Been awhile..

Well it's been quite a long time since the last time I posted a blog. I thought I was going to keep up with this, but things have just gotten in the way. It's almost Thanksgiving break, and I'm so excited! I'm not sure how much I'm liking living in Austin. John and I are not working out right now and that has been really hard for me. We were together for a year in high school, then circumstances caused us to be apart for two years. All I've thought about those two years was how happy we were going to be once we were finally together, but it hasn't turned out that way. I guess nothing ever works out the way you plan, or at least that's what experience has repeatedly shown me. I'm very relieved that this first semester is almost over. I'd say these past four months have been the hardest in my life, and I can't wait for a break. I'm flying home this Tuesday. I'm terrified of flying, so pray for me! Seeing my family and being away from school will be fantastic. I really hate how much I looked forward to moving all throughout high school, and now it's been a nightmare. I feel like I've lost all of my friends, and I'm having a hard time making new ones. Sure, there are people I consider 'friends,' but I wouldn't share my problems with them. I feel really alone all the time and I don't know what I can do about it. I try to go out and do things, but I just don't feel like being there. People can tell I'm distracted and worried about something else, and that discourages them from hanging out with you. But I really don't feel like I can be very happy, like there's a hole in my chest and stomach that physically makes me feel like I can't be around people. I don't know what that is. I know that it goes away when John is around, but he doesn't want much to do with me anymore. So, all in all, I hope this break will help me get through finals and make it to the holidays.